How to improve self-esteem for your wellbeing

Self-esteem is the way we think about ourselves. It dictates our feelings of self-worth and can have an impact on almost all areas of our lives. From our work and relationships to how we see the world and what our daily life looks like, self-esteem matters.  

“If you have higher self-esteem you’re likely to be healthier, happier, more altruistic and have more harmonious relationships,” says James Elmani, Mental Health Counsellor at Australian Unity. 

On the other hand, low self-esteem has been linked with poor mental health outcomes such as higher anxiety, depression and stress levels.   

So, what can you do if you’re experiencing low self-esteem? Here’s everything you need to know, including how you can boost yours so that you see the returns in your everyday life and overall Real Wellbeing.   

What causes low self-esteem 

Your level of self-esteem can be determined by many things, but according to James, two big ones are developmental and societal factors. 

For example, if a child has been in a toxic, abusive, traumatic environment or they haven’t been allowed to have their own emotions, this can have a negative influence on their self-esteem.  

“They’re likely to not feel good about themselves because that’s the message they’re getting from their environment. Equally, if parents have low self-esteem, it’s highly likely their children are going to have low self-esteem as well,” says James. “In general, trauma, high stress, family dysfunction, low mental health literacy, low education and low socioeconomic status can all contribute to a decrease in low self-esteem over time.” 

And of course, societal influence can affect our self-esteem as well. The expectation to have a certain job, house, car and relationship, all by a certain age, can take a toll. 

“If society says in order to be good enough you need to tick all these boxes for external success and you don’t match up to that, that definitely plays a role in lower self-esteem,” says James. 

The impact of social media 

It’s not just society in general, but also the influence of social media and the online world which can slowly chip away at our level of self-esteem. 

“People often compare themselves to others on social media. They look online at people who are beautiful and happy and say, ‘why aren’t I like that?’,” says James.  

“But the majority of people on social media aren’t portraying themselves authentically—it’s often an illusion. It’s not very common for parents to post pictures of their kids screaming or hassling them. It’s not common for couples to post videos of them disagreeing about something.” 

And yet these are common happenings that people can experience on the day-to-day.  

For people who are struggling with making comparisons online, James suggests setting boundaries, stepping back from social media and opting for more in-person connections instead.  

“Some people might benefit from a full delete of their social media apps, while for others it might be about a gradual decrease so they’re using it in balance and it’s not consuming their life,” he says.   

Why negative self-talk has an impact 

Negative self-talk is commonly associated with low self-esteem.  

According to James, the nuances of language, and whether it’s empowering or disempowering, play a big role in how people see themselves.  

“The language we use creates our story. It shapes who we are and how we feel about both ourselves and the outside world,” he says. “There’s a strong correlation between using negative, self-limiting language and having a negative relationship with yourself.” 

So, how can you nip negative self-talk in the bud and boost your self-esteem? 

How to improve self-esteem and stop negative self-talk

To address negative self-talk and low esteem in general, James’ first recommendation is to challenge those thoughts. 

“Be aware and identify negative thoughts so you’re conscious of it and it’s not happening on autopilot,” he says. 

Then you can address those thoughts and reframe them into something more positive. It’s also helpful to have supportive people around you who hold you accountable to how you speak to yourself.  

Habits and routines are other powerful tools for building a more positive self-image, says James, partly due to the sense of safety they provide. 

“People feel safe when they have structure in their lives. If there’s a feeling of safety and certainty, there’s less likely to be anxiety. Especially if those routines empower people to feel like they have value and that they’re capable, that can help to influence positive self-esteem,” says James. 

Self-care also plays a role in creating a positive self-image. Think about what makes you feel good and how you can incorporate this into your everyday life.  

Lastly, speaking to a mental health professional is a great way to understand why you might be experiencing low self-esteem in the first place and get personalised advice on how you can address it.   

Accepting yourself and the things you can’t change 

Having low self-esteem can be exhausting—it’s easy to feel stuck in a vicious cycle. But thankfully, there are many things you can do to boost your self-esteem.  

For people who are struggling, James has this advice: “All the parts of yourself that you shame and dislike and judge yourself for—love those parts. Accept them, welcome them, and know that you’re imperfectly perfect.”  

All you can do is control the things within your control, he says.  

“Things like where you were born and who your parents are, let them go because they’re out of your control. But things like how you speak to yourself, the relationships you have, the type of work you do, the food you put in your body—all of these things are within your control. You can choose how you want to live your life and what choices you make every single day.” 

When you improve your self-esteem, you’ll see ripple effects in all areas of your life, your mental health and your Real Wellbeing.