Is it time to talk health with your parents?

When it comes to their health, how are your parents faring? If they’re in their late 60s, 70s or 80s, you might have noticed a few changes in how they’re managing physically and mentally day to day, or perhaps an increase in the number of healthcare appointments they need to attend.

 

Helping your parents keep on top of it all can be a daunting and challenging journey—for all of you. There’s navigating the healthcare system, the cost of care, and the possibility that your parents may refuse help in the first place. Most of all, there’s the juggle of it all.

 

Performer, author and host of 'Parenting Up with Australian Unity’, Jean Kittson's mother and father are 99 and 96, respectively. And although they've each experienced their share of health concerns, they're still living independently, thanks in part to the dedication of their personalised care team.

 

But it hasn’t always been easy. In this article, Jean, the author of We Need to Talk About Mum & Dad, shares tips on how to help our older loved ones stay as well as possible for as long as possible.

 

 

Decide who will be your parents' lead support

 

As your parents age, health concerns are going to become a bigger part of their lives, but there are things you can do to help them stay on top of their wellbeing so they can live their best lives right to the end.

 

The first step is to have a conversation with your family, including your siblings, to decide who will take the lead in supporting your parents’ ongoing health journey. That means going with them to GP and specialist appointments, and generally “riding shotgun”, as Jean puts it.

 

“Riding shotgun” means that healthcare professionals are talking to your parents, not you, she explains, and that you’re not speaking for them, unless they ask you to. But it also means you are across everything—taking notes, documenting the medication they’re on, and making sure they understand what the healthcare professional has said.

 

“I remember coming home from a visit and mum was very quiet and I said, ‘What's wrong, Mum?’ and she said, ‘Well, I have cancer, don't I?’” recalls Jean. “And I said, ‘Well, no, Mum—you've got a small BCC [basal cell carcinoma] on your foot and we’re going to get rid of it. She just heard the word ‘cancer’ and thought that was it."

 

Adult children can play an important role at medical appointments by asking questions or requesting clarification as needed. Healthcare providers typically welcome the presence of a supportive family member who is actively involved in the patient’s care.

 

Expand their care team—with their GP at its heart

 

As your parents' risk of various medical conditions increases with age, their healthcare team will often need to grow as well. Taking a well-rounded, multidisciplinary approach can help—this might include scheduling (or encouraging your parents to schedule) appointments with podiatrists, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, dietitians and other allied health professionals. 

 

Don’t forget that some of these appointments can be done via telehealth, for ease and convenience.

 

It often takes a village to help our older loved ones reach a safe harbour in later life—and to keep them living the best life possible. Pulling together a team of support around them is crucial, and it usually requires an advocate—often a family member—to help coordinate and connect all the moving parts.

 

“We talk about a team supporting our parents, but a team also supports the family," adds Jean. “We couldn't possibly do it on our own, so to put this team in place, we all feel supported.”

 

As at any other stage of life, your parents’ GP is a central part of their care team, so make sure they’re having regular consultations.

 

Nurses, allied health practitioners and specialists all play a role, but they’re usually only involved for a specific issue or period of time. It’s often the GP who has the full picture of your parents’ health, making it worthwhile to build a long-term, trusting relationship with them.

 

 

Frame lifestyle changes positively

 

We can all become a bit set in our ways as we age, and you may find your parents are resistant to certain lifestyle changes that might improve their overall health and wellbeing, such as wearing hearing aids.

 

Hearing impairment, which is common in older people, can affect not only their ability to connect and communicate with others, but also their balance. Issues with balance have long-term implications for physical health, and lack of connection can impact mental and emotional wellbeing—all of which can increase the risk of cognitive decline.

 

There are similar wide-ranging knock-on effects for any condition or diagnosis, so it's important to encourage your parents to look after their Real Wellbeing by using whatever tools and aids are available. This includes hearing aids, but also things like walking frames.

 

Other small lifestyle changes can have a big impact on their health and independence—such as changing the side of the bed they sleep on, so it's easier to get to the bathroom in the night, or removing trip hazards such as rugs or floor mats, especially if they are visually impaired.

 

Try to frame these changes positively as much as you can: it’s all about staying as healthy and independent as possible for as long as possible.

 

The importance of empathy and the dignity of risk

 

That said, things that may look like simple and obvious changes to you can sometimes be a big adjustment for your parents. There can be downsides as well as upsides to any change, so aiming for empathy is really key.

 

Occasionally that means you may have to accept a decision you don't like or agree with­—and this is where "the dignity of risk” comes in.

 

“You might say to your elder, ‘This doesn't look safe’, ‘This isn't good for your health’, or ‘You've got to stop eating those doughnuts’, or whatever it is,” explains Jean. “But it's their human right to make a decision about whether they want to do that or not.”

 

One of the most important factors in changing your loved one's mind about something is the relationship you have with them. How you hold those conversations, how you present options, and whether all the information is clear and balanced—all of these play a role. But ultimately, it’s still their decision to make.

 

Supporting the health of ageing parents really boils down to being proactive and systematic, encouraging, empathetic and informative. With regular check-ups and the right support team in place, you can feel confident that you're helping your parents stay healthier—and more independent—for longer.