“We always encourage people to make small changes first. We would never say to someone, ‘Okay, you have never exercised intentionally, let's go and run a marathon.’”—Amy Mullins, HealthierMe™ Coach, Remedy Healthcare
Key points
- It’s important to consider your own motivations before talking about health with a loved one, as this can affect the conversation you have with them.
- Your conversation should always come from a place of support and empathy, regardless of the changes you’d like to see your loved one make.
- You can have a more positive and productive conversation by focusing on small, achievable steps, rather than the bigger goal you might have in mind.
We all want our partners, children and loved ones to be happy and healthy. But what should we do if we think they need to take better care of their physical or mental health? How can we encourage them to take steps towards becoming healthier without awkwardness or hurt?
It’s a conversation that can sometimes be fraught, but with the right approach you can encourage better health without the tension. Here’s what our experts had to say.
First, take a look in the mirror
While you may be focusing on your family member’s situation, a good place to start is closer to home. Sian Brown, a psychologist at Tonic Psychology, says it’s important to think about why we want to have a conversation about a loved one’s health in the first place.
“Ask yourself what your motivation is for asking a family member to change or improve something. Then reflect on whether you are also modelling this kind of behaviour and asking them to do something that you’re not doing yourself,” says Sian.
Offer support and empathy
Whatever changes you’d like to see your family member make, the conversation should always come from a place of support and empathy.
So, if we use the example of losing weight, here are two very different approaches to the same conversation—one supportive, and one not.
Scenario 1: “Darling, why don’t we start walking each day to improve our fitness? I want to be with you in 20/30/40 years’ time. It’d be good for both us and we’d get to spend some nice time together in the fresh air.”
Scenario 2: “I really think you’d look and feel a lot better if you lost some weight, honey. You’ve become really big. I wish you’d start listening to me.”
The key? Your mindset. “When it comes to loved ones,” says Sian, “it’s easy to switch from being a supportive figure into an authoritative or demanding figure because we are so invested in their health and wellbeing.”
You might be coming from a good place, but it’s important that you choose your words carefully.
“If you’re constantly demanding or on someone's back about something, then they're actually more likely to become defensive and more resistant. However, if we approach it with a supportive, empathetic lens, or even do the activity with them, they're much more likely to engage and participate.”
Suggest small, achievable steps
Another small tweak we can make when talking about health with our family—and turning uncomfortable conversations into positive and productive discussions—is to focus on the small steps that can lead to better health, rather than the larger overall goal.
Amy Mullins, a senior healthcare coach at Australian Unity’s partner Remedy Healthcare, spends her days helping people improve their health through the HealthierMe™ program.
The registered nurse says: “We never say to someone, ‘Okay, you have never exercised intentionally, let's go and run a marathon.’ Instead we encourage them to start with something achievable because we know if people are making small changes over time they're more likely to be successful.”
If we take our weight loss example, let’s imagine our couple decide to walk three hours every week. In this situation, Amy suggests starting with half an hour per week and “once that's incorporated into your routine, building up the walking time incrementally, rather than trying to go from nothing to three hours straightaway.”
When helping another person work towards a goal, it’s also important to support them during challenging times. “Expect setbacks because that's really normal. It's not going to be a linear sort of achievement. It's going to go up and down,” says Amy.
She emphasises that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to better health—people are different, as are their challenges and motivations. In some cases, it might be important to bring in expert help, such as encouraging someone to talk to a GP about more complex issues such as mental health or alcohol dependency.
Whatever the issue, your words and actions will make a big difference, so it’s important to choose them carefully. It’s not easy to raise the topic of health with a loved one, but by offering support, understanding and empathy you can create the best chance of a positive conversation—and a happier, healthier future for everyone involved.Disclaimer:
Information provided in this article is of a general nature. Australian Unity accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions, advice, representations or information contained in this publication. Readers should rely on their own advice and enquiries in making decisions affecting their own health, wellbeing or interest.
